The Big Red?

Gomez here...

So... Kentucky plays Cornell on Thursday for the opportunity to advance to the Elite 8 for the first time since 2005. Since this is something every UK fan has been waiting for since Cal's name was announced as the new coach of Kentucky, I think its worth getting to know Cornell a little better.

Cornell's nickname is known simply as The Big Red. However, their mascot is a bear. How silly is that? For a school that prides themselves on being smart and all, that's an epic fail. So, I've decided to help them find a new mascot for the remainder of their NCAA tournament appearance, which should only be about another forty minutes or so.


1.) Big Red is awesome because not only is it a basketball team, it's also an awesome piece of gum! When I was in high school, a plenty pack of Big Red could score you almost anything... from a date with a hot cheerleader to a contra-band smoke in the boy's room. Of course, it also lead to a longer stay in the dentist office, so I guess we took the good with the bad. I'm guessing the Cornell team chews this stuff like truck drivers do Beech Nut, which is alot. I think it would be really cool to see someone dressed up like a stick of gum on the sideline. I suggest they give the role to Mark Coury.


2.) Who can talk about the Big Red without talking about America's #1 red soda since 1937!? Who cares if it tastes like a combination of cough medicine and red ink? I wonder if this stuff is what the Cornell managers use to fill up their team's Gatorade coolers. I bet it is; and if it isn't, it certainly should be. Seriously though, who wouldn't want to see a huge can of cola roaming the sidelines at the NCAA tournament? Nothing says Ivy League class like a can of soda that's most consumed by southern red necks with no taste in beverages... or anything else for that matter.


3.) The Big Red is also the mascot of Western Kentucky University. He looks like a reject from Sesame Street, but still certainly epitomizes the very idea of something being both big and red. Cornell should consider borrowing this big, red, ugly mess for their Sweet 16 appearance. Of course, being from Kentucky, the creature might rebel against its handler, resulting in something that will be shown on Spike TV's "When Mascots Attack!" Still, I think its worth the risk.


4.) How can you talk about the big red without talking about Clifford... THE BIG RED DOG? This guy is awesome. If I were Cornell, I'd march out Clifford to center court for every game. He'd be a huge hit! Of course, if WKU's Big Red was there, there would most likely be some competitive tension in the air, which should only give more reason for Cornell to make the call to Clifford's agent.


5.) Satan is a bad guy, but he'd still be a pretty cool mascot for Cornell. I mean, I hate satan and whoever is playing Kentucky, so why not combine the two for Thursday night? Yup, makes sense to me, so that gets my vote. What says you?